Mike and Rob's Victorious Voyage

By Special Guest-Blogger Mike

Throughout history, there have only been a few journeys that could truly be called “epic.” Odysseus’ ill-fated odyssey from Troy would make the list, as would Israel’s miraculous exodus from Egypt. The pilgrimage to Canterbury spawned from the mind of Geoffrey Chaucer would also have to make the list. So, too, would the phonebooth-aided adventure of Ted “Theodore” Logan and Bill S. Preston, Esquire.

If I may be so bold, I suggest that a new epic journey should be added to the list. It's the 2009 journey of two friends to the Sugar Bowl. I know it's an obscure tale, but a very important one ... to me.

Since the first week of December, full-time rocket scientist and avid Ute fan Rob Gonzalez (or as the ladies like to call him “Handsome Rob”) had been trying to convince me to go to the 2009 Sugar Bowl between Utah and Alabama. Every day for three weeks, Rob called me with the same message:

“Dude! This will be a game for the ages! When you and I are 80 years old, we will be telling our grandchildren about this game. We have to go!”

Finally, two days before the game, I gave in. Rob was right. I knew it, he knew it, and I knew that he knew that I knew it. We also knew that we would have to leave immediately to make it to the game on time. But first, I had to get permission from my darling and understanding wife, Misty. "No problem," I thought. "I'm a professional smooth talker." So I approached Misty. Our conversation went something like this:

Mike: “Honey, Rob and I just decided to drive to New Orleans to watch the Sugar Bowl. We leave in 29 minutes.”

Misty: “Great. Do you know how to get to New Orleans?”

Mike: “Uh…”

Misty: “Where are you going to stay?”

Mike: “Well…uh…we thought…”

Misty: "Do you know how long it takes to drive there?"

Mike: "Approximately....uh ..."

Misty: “Do you even have tickets to the game?”

Mike: “Uh..........well now that you put it that way...we, uh....O.C. Tanner is having a jewelry sale this month.”

Misty: “Good boy. Have fun. Don’t get into trouble.”

Yes! It had taken all of my cunning and wit, but I had permission to go. My only concern was that I was pretty sure Misty was going to be worried about me. We have known each other since I was 18 years old. One of us has grown up a lot since then. One of us is still prone to taking off on a 32 hour road trip with no planning or foresight. If I really wanted to close the deal, I would have to show her how mature I had become. I would have to say something to alleviate any of her anxiety.

"Thanks honey!" I said while giving her a big hug. "This road trip is going to be great. It’ll just be me and Handsome Rob spending New Years Eve on the Las Vegas Strip and New Years Day in New Orleans on Bourbon Street. What trouble could we possibly get into?"

Next to “Yes, as a matter of fact, those jeans do make your butt look big,” that may have been the dumbest thing a married man has ever said to his wife. But notwithstanding my strategic blunder, Misty encouraged me to go. That woman rocks!

An hour later, Handsome Rob and I jumped into my car and started driving South, which we understood was the general direction of New Orleans. Here is an hour by hour breakdown of what happened next:

*New Years Eve: 2:00 p.m. Left for New Orleans. From Bountiful to Draper we both scream "Dude! Road Trip!" every five minutes.

*2:45 p.m. I'm not sure what happened. It may have been Rob's overuse of the word "Dude." It may be been the fact that we had already gotten lost in Utah County looking for a gas station. Or, maybe it was just the general suckiness emanating from Provo to which Rob and I were acutely sensitive. In any event, our enthusiasm for making the 32 hour drive lasted approximately 45 minutes. We decided to fly at least part of the way. So, we used our cell phones to book a flight from Las Vegas to Baton Rouge. That decision saved us approximately 48 hours of driving round trip...and probably our sanity.

*4:47 p.m. Now that our transportation was handled, we turned our attention to lodging. Where could we stay in Vegas on New Years Eve with only a few hours notice? We called an accountant friend of ours whose firm owns a condo near the Strip (doesn't everyone's accountant own a condo near the Strip?). So that part was easy. Finding lodging near New Orleans, which was already bursting at the seams for New Years and the Sugar Bowl, was an entirely different story. In the best traditions of the holiday season, we were told again and again that there was no room in the Inns. At last, a generous inn-keeper at the Baton Rouge Airport Hilton agreed to let us in.

*5:07 p.m. We pass "Ute" Exit on I-15. Rob and I were pretty sure this was a sign of good things to come.

*11:59 p.m. Called Misty and told her I was safe and behaving myself. I could tell by how long it took her to wake up that she had been really worried about me.

New Years Day: 8:30 a.m. We flew from Vegas to Atlanta and (after a three hour layover) back to Baton Rouge. We landed in Baton Rouge at 11:01 p.m. on New Years Day, less than 18 hours before kickoff.

*11:15 p.m. Now that we were so close to New Orleans, we had just one last minor detail to resolve...Tickets to the game itself. I used my cell phone to go to ksl.com and, somewhere near the lovely chemical plant town of Geismar, Louisiana, we found someone who would sell us two great tickets on the donor level. Sweet!

*January 2, 2009 (game day) 10:36 a.m. With tickets in hand and decked out in our best Utah gear, we headed into New Orleans.

*12:42 p.m. Our first stop was Bourbon street which, I explained to Misty, was the cultural and educational part of our trip.

The delightful merchants of Bourbon Street still use the barter system as a means of commerce and exchange. You would be amazed what you can buy from someone if you just give them a little shiny strand of beads like the ones I have around my neck. ;)

*2:19 p.m. New Orleans was packed with seventy thousand Alabama fans. They were a proud bunch. They knew they had a big time program and most of them could barely hide their contempt for having to play a team like "little 'ole Utah."

*3:27 p.m. Rob and I pass the Bourbon Cowboy Bar and are surrounded by a gang of Bama fans. "All you alls' boys are just too small to hang with us," one Alabama fan slurred in my face. "Yup, this game is going to be just like another David and Goliath," he told me smugly. "Uh...you do realize how David and Goliath ended?" I asked him. I came to the conclusion that Alabama fans don't read the Bible much.

*3:45 p.m. Stopped in to the world famous Cafe Beignet for some yummy beignets.

Beignets might be the world's most perfect food. Hot, gooey, scones covered with powdered sugar. Rob and I decided that eating powered sugar before the Sugar Bowl is a good sign so we ordered a few more...anything to help the team.

* 1/2/09: 5:45 p.m. We headed over to the Marriott hotel, which we found out was the headquarters for Utah's team and fans. It was crazy. We were there with a few thousand Ute fans to cheer on the team as they loaded up on the buses.

Coach Whittingham and the team looked very intense...much more so than you might expect for a bowl game. It is clear the team was here on business.

*6:30 p.m. Like most Ute fans, we got to the game 90 minutes before kickoff. The Alabama fans were still on Bourbon Street. Before long, a lone Alabama player wandered out on the field. Well, he was kind of a player...he was the kicker. Kickers are really invisible in football. Unless you are Louis Sakoda, most people don't even know the kicker's name.

This kicker never knew what hit him. As he entered the field the fifteen thousand Ute fans errupted in a chorus of boo's and jeers. It may have been the first time in the history of organized football that a kicker received any attention, let alone boo's. I mean, really, who boo's a kicker? We watched his every kick during warm-ups and cheered everytime he missed. Before long, it was clear that we got into his head. He had two kicks miss off the goal-posts during warmups and missed two of his three field goals during the game.

*6:31 p.m. Uh oh. My Mom called me and asked me what I wanted her to bring to the Sugar Bowl party I was hosting at my house. I knew I had forgotten to tell someone the party was cancelled. Sorry about that, Mom.

*8:15 p.m. Somebody please pinch me (and no, not the way they do it on Bourbon Street). Utah scored touchdowns on its first three possessions of the game and went up 21-0 before Alabama knew what hit them! Seventy thousand Alabama fans sit dejectedly in their seats.

*9:32 p.m. Somewhere, sitting in the Alabama section, an overalls-wearing Bama fan was looking up the story of David and Goliath in his Bible.

*11:00 p.m. The Utes dominated Bama 31-17 to finish the season 13-0. It is the greatest game in Ute history.

This is Rob and me celebrating in front of the final scoreboard. All those empty seats you see used to be Alabama fans.*11:41 p.m. Ute fans filled the streets of New Orleans. Rob said it felt like we were marching in to take over the French Quarter. The sidewalks were littered with Alabama fans, who were bowing in submission to Ute Nation. Awesome.

*11.46 p.m. While making our assault on the French Quarter, I got a voicemail from my seven year old daughter, Haley. She chanted: "Hey you, Alabama! Hey you, Alabama! We just beat the heck out of you. Rammer, jammer, yellow hammer, you stink Alabama!" It was her version of the cheer Alabama fans typically use to taunt teams that they beat. I love that girl.

*January 3, 2009: 12:16 a.m. We made it back to the Marriott and the whole hotel was rockin'. People were shouting and laughing. Players were hugging each other and their families. We were awash in Utephoria. *2:59 a.m. After the post game celebration, Rob and I made it back to Baton Rouge at about 3:00 a.m., which was just in time for a wake-up call to catch our flight back to Vegas. At the airport, LSU fans cheered as we walked through security. An 80 year old woman hugged me and said, "I hate Alabama." The same thing happened during our layover in Memphis. All of America loved the Runnin' Utes that day.

*11:04 a.m. We arrived in Vegas and started our drive back to Bountiful.

*2:30 p.m. Having slept a total of four hours in the last three days, I started to drift asleep at the wheel somewhere around Cedar City.

*2:31 p.m. Rob introduced me to a little drink he called Red Bull. I hadn't had any soda in nearly two years. Wow. Despite the taste of crushed, liquified smartees, I have to admit that Mikey likes the Red Bull. With my new, chemically enhanced reflexes, I safely drove home at about 100 miles per hour.

*8:00 p.m Arrived at home sweet home. Safe and sound.

*8:01. I decided now is a good time to call every BYU fan I know and ask them how BYU did in the Vegas Bowl.

I have to admit that Handsome Rob was right. When I am 80, I will be telling my grandkids about this trip. Who knows? Maybe they'll even make a movie about it. If they do, I think they should get Bruce Willis to play me and Mario Lopez to play Handsome Rob.

Go Utes!